Are You a Lawnmower Parent? If So, Stop Now!

Your intentions are good, and I’m sure your heart is in the right place, but if you don’t stop now, you may cause long-term damage to your child.

You’ve probably heard of Helicopter parents, and maybe even the Stealth Bomber parents, the new generation of parents fall into the Lawnmower parent category.

Lawnmower Parent Defined 

First coined in 2016 by Karen Facher a college professor in the Pittsburgh area defines Lawnmower parents as parents that rush ahead to remove perceived obstacles, so their child doesn’t have to deal with them her/himself.

Other variations of this style of parenting include “Snowplow Parents,” “Bulldozer Parents,” and my personal favorite: “Curling Parents,” given the similarity to the Olympic athletes who scurry ahead of the gently thrown stone, frantically brushing a smooth path and guiding the stone towards an exact pre-determined location. Pittsburg Moms Blog 

I am part of this new generation of parents, and I am doing as much as I can to change the way I parent. At times, I catch myself about to make a decision that will clear the path for my child.

For example, yesterday my son took a practice test in his advanced math class. He had a doctor’s appointment today and missed the class, which is not his fault, but didn’t get his practice test back. The practice test is supposed to show him the types of mistakes or questions that he could get wrong so that he can spend some extra time studying tonight.

After school, he had a Lego club meeting that he has been excitedly planning for, since last school year, when he first heard about the club.

After school, I ran into his teacher, and she mentioned that he hadn’t come to get his practice test. She told me that she would be at the school for another 15-20 minutes if he wanted any help on some of the questions.

The dilemma. Do I

a) get the practice test and take it home with me and go over it with him?

b) tell him to get the practice test, and he can take it home?

c) let him forget to get the test,  and in so doing not study for the unit test?

d) do nothing and let the natural consequences occur.

e) let the head secretary give you a guilt trip for choosing d and with guilt call him over the intercom and remind him to get his practice test and spend a few minutes with the teacher to go over some of the problems he missed.

If you guessed “e”, you are correct.

Our head secretary is terrific and pushed me in the right direction. She has two successful, well-balanced kids. I trust her. My initial choice was d, for real. Partly because I have been mulling over this article for the past week and I am trying to make baby step changes in my parenting style.

Specifically this quote,

[Tweet “If we eliminate all struggle in children’s younger years, they will not arrive at adulthood magically equipped to deal with failure. Annonymous Teacher”]

Let our kids fail, with soft landings. 

I am not claiming to be an expert parent, nor am I claiming that I know how to handle this from a parent’s side of things. However, I see and talk with Lawnmower parents on a daily basis.

A few suggestions to help our kids, notice, I said our kids be successful.

1. Let natural consequences take place  When a child forgets their lunch at home, instead of leaving work to run their lunch over to the school, or take them to McDonald’s or In N’ Out, let them go hungry until they get home from school. When they start texting about being hungry, remind them that they should get their school stuff ready the night before. Use the moment to teach the child about planning, preparation, and organization.
2. They may have to choose between two good things   Don’t rearrange schedules or change plans to accommodate both good choices. Early in the year, I had a conversation with a parent and a child that was faced with a significant decision between two classes. The two courses are both offered during the same period, and we don’t have other options. The student had to choose only one class. The Mother’s response was brilliant. “Vitalogy, (Name changed) at least you have two good choices to choose from, it could be worse, it could be two bad choices.” This mom is my hero.
3. Get out of their way; our children may surprise us  I want a child who can solve their problems in their way. If I never give my kids the chance to solve a problem, how will they become good at it? If I always clear the path for them, I rob them of the opportunity to grow and learn how to be an adult.  I also rob myself as a parent the opportunity to be proud of my kids because they solved a problem or navigated a difficult situation on their own. Our children might not solve the problem the way we would, but they may surprise us.
4. Let them be their own advocate.  Kids need to learn how to talk to adults. They need to learn how to cope with teasing. Our children need to learn how to fill out applications. Kids need to learn how to become an adult. If we, as parents, clear the path for them, we are removing the path to adulthood. That path is hard. It is lonely at times. But they will be better for it.

Conclusion

I am not suggesting that we quit all responsibilities as parents and abandon our kids. I’m also not suggesting we let them all run loose ala Hunger Games.

I am suggesting that if we want to raise a generation of kids that: think for themselves, do what is right, work hard, take responsibility, show grit, and end up successful let’s let them fail. If they learn how to handle things when the stakes aren’t as high, they will have the skills and aptitude to be successful when the stakes are high. They will know precisely how to succeed, without a lawnmower in front of them.