It’s All About Respect, Mr. Campbell
“It’s all about respect, Mr. Campbell.”
“What do you mean it’s all about respect? What’s about respect?”
“Everything.”
“What do you mean everything?”
“I mean everything.”
The student goes on to tell me about the way people talk, walk, look, smile, laugh, stand, engage, act, and react.
“That’s your measuring stick?”
“Yeah what else is there?”
I reply, “Everything.”
We spend a few minutes talking about power and the imbalance of power that happens based on the way conversations happen. Not only what happens in the conversation, but how the discussion takes place physically. How we sit or stand or raise or lower or voice. How fast or slow we talk.
Where we are
I’m in the other office because another student is in my office. I am slouched down in the black pleather chair about as low as I can go before I starting hurting my back. My eyes are level to his, and I’ve turned my body towards him so that he knows I’m engaged in the conversation. I’m not uncomfortably close, but not distant. He knows that I care.
I want to understand where this student is coming from; I want to make a connection. These small habits come naturally now but have taken a couple of years to implement into the daily routine. My goal for this conversation it to:
- come to a common understanding of what respect is and what respect isn’t
- help a couple of students understand each other
- de-escalate the situation so that at a later point it doesn’t turn into something bigger
- go quickly so we can get kids back to the learning environment (classroom)
- let the students know that we care about them, and the other 1200 students at our school.
I stand up and get a little closer to him and ask him if it’s uncomfortable.
“Yeah.”
“How do you think other people would feel?”
“Upset, disrespected, probably angry.”
As I sit back down, “Do you see what happened right there, your body’s instincts took over. Your heart rate increased, your blood pressure went up a bit, and you started to have some dopamine pushing through your body which helps produce epinephrine and norepinephrine which cause a fight or flight response.”
“I know you weren’t going to do anything.”
“I know.”
“But how do you think other students would react?”
“They would be mad, and probably stand up?”
“You are right, but this is also about respect.” I continue. “Each of us has a personal space, it’s a culture thing, some cultures are very touchy-feely, and close proximity to others is okay. The American culture is not traditionally that way. When you get into someone else’s personal space, naturally we feel a form of fear and possibly disrespect. I don’t think the other student was trying to disrespect you or intimidate you, I think he was trying to connect with you. Does that makes sense?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t need to go into details, but maybe he is looking for a friend, maybe he doesn’t quite understand personal space, maybe he has his own stuff going on. I also am not making excuses; I’m just trying to help you understand that not everyone is trying to cause beef with you.”
“Does that make sense?”
“Yeah”
“Do you know that I care about you and want you to be safe?”
“Yeah.”
” Do you know that I care about all of the other students and want them to be safe.”
“Yeah.”
“Alright, let’s get you back to class.”
Only time will tell if this short interaction was productive, but I felt that it went well.