We Were All New Once! Handling Criticism
We Were All New Once! Handling Criticism
Looking Back
Think back to your first year in the classroom, either as a teacher or student. If you are honest with yourself, it was probably pretty bad. If you are really honest with yourself you know it was borderline horrible.
I didn’t create a lot of my own stuff and just followed what the team was doing. It was more comfortable that way. I was trying to figure out how to manage a classroom, figure out my grading, and also provide and raise a young family.
I remember giving kids extra credit for bringing in books. I wanted to have books all over my room, but couldn’t afford to purchase all of them,so I gave out extra credit for them. I know horrible. Increasing a student’s academic grade, because they brought in books.
I look back at my pedagogy knowledge and classroom management skills and would consider my performance in the classroom near malpractice. Nobody died in my class, but I wasn’t as good as I would be now.
I had good relationships with the students and contacted home regularly, but needed experience. If I could go back and re-teach those kids, I would do better. A lot better. They would do better; They would be able to explain their learning and show what they were learning. It would be visible, rooted in good pedagogical practices wrapped in a deeper level of knowledge.
I can’t. And it stinks for those kids. It’s part of the process of life, rarely if ever, are people at their best when they do things for the first time.
Looking Back Again
Today in a meeting connected with our School Culture and Climate, a teacher who I love and consider a very close friend, shared some constructive criticism with me. I got a little defensive. And then I backed off. Knowing that this meeting was not the best time/place to ask questions about her thoughts.
We finished the meeting, and as we walked out of the building, I stopped and asked her a few questions detailing her frustration. She had concerns, but in our previous meeting was sharing some of my faults or failures that have been reported to her. In all honesty, there is truth in her frustrations.
I have spent a majority of the past five hours reflecting on that conversation and thought about what I and all of us need to do to handle criticism better. Here are my five steps to handling criticism positively.
Chill out and Shut-up
The moment we as spouses, parents, teachers, educators, kids or whatever feel an inkling of criticism coming we get triggered. We start searching for excuses, or answers or solutions, to a suggestion that we haven’t even heard yet. We pull out the boxing gloves and get ready to go ten rounds. This is not helpful and prevents us from receiving future feedback.
Listen
I don’t mean hear what the person is saying, or zoning out while that person is talking, or even trying to craft a response while you nod your head. I mean listen to what they are saying, not just the words. Do not interrupt or try to make excuses, no matter how valid those excuses may feel. Aggravating the person giving constructive criticism doesn’t go well.
Ask Clarifying Questions
Clarify what they want you to hear. Try and gather enough information to get a complete picture of what they are trying to say or how they feel. Don’t make them feel like you are looking for an argument, but that you are trying to clarify. Try and find solutions or answers to the problem if they were not offered. Smile.
Be genuinely grateful
It’s not easy telling someone else that they need to work on something, especially if you aren’t that person’s supervisor or direct leader. Don’t believe me, try to tell a woman how to breastfeed, let me know how that goes. When someone takes time to share criticism, it means that the person offering feedback is paying attention, not just paying attention, but interested in the details. Let them know that you appreciate them for looking into the details. Acknowledge the courage it takes to share opinions with others.
Take it for what it is
If you trust the person, then trust the message. Think about, and try to see how you can change or improve. If the suggestions are mean or malicious, ignore them and move on. People that care about us aren’t coming from a malicious perspective. As a general rule, any person that takes the time to help you become a better “leader” or person, it’s usually safe to say that they care about you as a person.
Looking back again again
As a teacher, I rarely, if ever got the opportunity to work with my students again. I didn’t get the chance to see my long-term influence as an educator.
As an administrator, my faults and mistakes are present not only for me to see but for everyone else in the school and community to see. For example, If I handle a situation with a group of 7th graders incorrectly, I see those students for the next three years, and the mistakes get magnified because they are visible to everyone.
As I work through our third year with the current 9th graders, I can see the foundational flaws that I created as a first-year administrator. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I know now that I should have done things differently.
With some students, I can change the foundational mistakes and repair some of those cracks in the relationship. With others, it might be too late, and to be honest it may have been too late the moment after our first investigation or meeting.